Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
