You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
