Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.