Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??