Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

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(203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA http://tfl.nu/d77g

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.

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(337): I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel. http://tfl.nu/jndo

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics

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(724): Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics http://tfl.nu/hk15

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(518): View more from New York

Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.

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(518): Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukzh

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(720): View more from Colorado

Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

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(720): Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head. http://tfl.nu/67uq

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(360): View more from Washington

I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized

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(360): I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized http://tfl.nu/nze6

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...

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(+44): got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night... http://tfl.nu/vdnw

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(317): View more from Indiana

I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

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(317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.

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(330): It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this. http://tfl.nu/6tb8

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(614): View more from Ohio

The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

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(614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0

Replies (16) Good night (3676) Bad night (407)
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(206): View more from Washington

I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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(206): I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling. http://tfl.nu/5feo

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(818): View more from California

Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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(818): Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors. http://tfl.nu/xlbe

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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(412): I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause. http://tfl.nu/76t1

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

(1-506): View more from New Brunswick

Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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(505): She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once. (1-506): Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring. http://tfl.nu/s5ra

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(440): View more from Ohio

The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...

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(440): The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine... http://tfl.nu/over

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