ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.