We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
