Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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