Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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