dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
