i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
