lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
