Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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