I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
