hotel room ftw
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
