I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
