spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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