I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
