Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
