Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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