i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
