Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
