Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
