So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
