I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
