dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
