Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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