I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
