There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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