Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
