I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
