I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
