I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
