I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
