Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
