all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
