I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Farmville is her only friend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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