Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
