***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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