Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
