what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
