Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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