Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
