I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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