Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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