you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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