I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Shame is for Republicans.
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