No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
