WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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