Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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