So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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