so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
