I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
