dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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