She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
