its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've blown a few things in my day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
