a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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