We named our party play list daddy issues
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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