I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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