Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
