Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
