Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
