The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
