xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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