i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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