Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
