the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
