Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
