Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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