i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
