so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
