Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
