I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
