You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
