FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
