Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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